There comes a time in a man's life when they become involved in a serious relationship, take the plunge and getting married. No matter where you live, marriage is always a dicey prospect, but when sex is more available than chocolate, tying the knot becomes even more hazardous.
When most men arrive in Thailand, they're like kids in a candy store. So many women in all shapes and sizes and with some of them, if you pay them a little money, they go away and leave you to your own vices with other women. The women seem so sweet and lovable; how could you possibly resist?
The Land of Smiles may be full of cheery women with toothy grins but it is still a poor country and thus women tend to use whatever means they can to rise to the next socio-economic level. Remember this when you are going to meet your little brown farm girl's family or when you're thinking of carrying on a serious relationship in Thailand.
The first step in seeking out a relationship in Thailand is to know where to look and where to avoid. If you're seeking a serious partner, avoid places like Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, Patpong, and massage parlors that offer more than a traditional massage. Finding women of substance in cities like Pattaya and Phuket is difficult and discos in Bangkok like CM2, Angels Disco, Sheraton Rivas, and Spasso's are also places where finding decent, relationship-worthy women is risky.
Sex isn't love and Thai women, at least working women, have this figured out and this is where at least some men go wrong. A working girl (woman) who is sleeping with a man, giving him the girlfriend experience of a lifetime has simply turned the relationship into a business transaction with sex and affection.
Making a relationship work with any woman is hard enough, even if you share the same culture and background. Add a language barrier, cultural differences, and financial complications into the mix and making a relationship work with a Thai woman is like playing Russian roulette with more than one bullet.
Stick to Thai women working in offices, grocery stores, convenience stores, banks, etc. In the beginning of your time as an expat, get to know the country, the people, the language, and the culture. Thai culture is like a huge Tootsie Pop that you keep licking and licking and yet you never seem to reach the chewy Tootsie Roll centre and it is highly doubtful you will ever discover all the ins and outs of Thai culture. This is perfectly okay, but at least get to know the playing field before you begin playing the game.
Use go-go bars, massage parlours, discos, nightclubs for what they are intended, finding companionship without strings, sexual and otherwise. If are sleeping alone and need sex, your needs will be taken care for the cost of a halfway decent button down shirt. There is absolutely no excuse to be forlorn in Thailand.
It is during this intense, knowledge-gathering period that you can begin to foster new relationships with more mainstream women. However, make certain this is what you really want because Thai women have a bad habit of not wanting to leave once their foot is in the door.
If you are certain you want a relationship, proceed with caution. This might sound ridiculously stupid but it is surprising how many men I've met who despite knowing the pitfalls of getting seriously involved with a Thai woman before they really should have, dive in head long. If you are unfamiliar with the ways of Thai women versus those of the women in your own country, taking a relationship slow is excellent advice.
On a positive note, Thai women will make it easy for you to take it slow; if your potential love interest hops in the sack on the first date, chances are extremely high she is not quite as innocent as you may think. Not that there is anything necessarily wrong with this but do not kid yourself; Thai culture (like many other cultures) generally dictates that good Thai women make their man wait.
Why do you think there are massage parlours?
One reason is that while the good Thai women are hesitant to give up the booty, the men waiting for them to open their legs want and need sex. Despite what some may believe, prostitutes definitely have a purpose in society.
While you are courting, at least in the beginning, Thai women may want to have a girlfriend accompany them on your dates. This means paying double and having someone filter your game, which can quickly get tiresome. From her perspective, the friend is tagging along because she is not ready to be alone with you; she does not trust your manipulative male ways or she does not trust herself.
If all goes well, the time will come when you and she have your time alone and sleep together. For many Thai women, once is all it takes for them to fall in love. After this, it's all downhill... just kidding. It may or may not be but if you're the type who likes to party all night long and come strolling in at 5 AM, you might want to rethink your quest for a relationship with a Thai woman.
Once you find your girl and you are certain you're meant for one another, she will in all likelihood begin speaking about marriage. In most cases, a dowry is requested when marrying a Thai woman. The amount can be as little as 100,000 baht ($3500) to upwards of several million baht. The amount is determined by the status of the woman, her family, her potential, and whether or not she has children and has previously been married.
Men and women search the world over for true love, yet once married many complain about their better halves, professing the world of the single, free to do what they want, when they want and free from the grips of another. Remember the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get what you want."
An American in Bangkok is the site of Scott Mallon, an expat who has been living in Thailand for 17 years and who has travelled extensively around the world to places like Colombia, Cambodia, Indonesian Borneo, Guyana, Nicaragua, and Myanmar.
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